Flushed with Criticism: Four Stalls of Bathroom Tech

Toilet seat with handle

Handle It
Does this handle thingy do anything in terms of cleanliness? I’m gonna take a bold guess and say no. Seems like the dreaded “fecal plume” triggered by flushing would grace both the underside of the lid and this handle. But does it spark joy? You decide.

The Slammer
Thou shalt not have “soft-close” (a.k.a. “slow-close” or “no-slam”) and regular toilet seats in the same household. Why? You will forget and slam the trad seats in the rest of the house. In general I’m not in favor of the slow-close seat as why would I want to introduce a point of failure in a simple device that might otherwise last decades all for just a minor, lazy convenience?

Ghosts in the Machine
Motion activated faucets, towel dispensers and hand dryers in public restrooms don’t work half the time in my experience. When, despite waving my hands back and forth, I fail to activate these things I feel like the main character in the 1962 cult film Carnival of Souls who wanders Salt Lake City before we all realize she’s a ghost. But maybe ghosts would more easily trigger these damn things?

Fecal Plume: Electric Boogaloo
Hot air hand dryers are bullshit. There, I said it.

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  1. I like our “soft-close” seat!!! 🙂 But I agree that one shouldn’t mix them. We did and inevitably I forget and the non-soft-close one slams…

  2. I agree wholeheartedly about the motion-activated faucets, soap dispensers, and paper towel dispensers (or hot air hand dryers).

    My office switched to motion-activated equipment for COVID purposes even though by that point it was clear that COVID wasn’t spread by contact. We never had issues with people leaving faucets running or using wads of paper towels before, now the mechanisms are broken half the time.

    My other bathroom pet peeve is the toilet paper and paper towels are now branded with the sanitation company’s logo. What a waste of ink for something that is seen for at most a few seconds before it goes in the trash or down the pipes!

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