Kelly requested a small shed to keep our garden tools, pots and fertilizer. I was not satisfied with either the small and ugly plastic storage structures nor the large, fake barn-like sheds available at the big box stores so I vowed to build my own. In a September blog post I wrote about my eccentric design process. Today, I’m declaring the world’s most pretentious garden shed, a.k.a. “Shedcropolis,” finished.

For materials, I sourced salvaged 2x4s and a window from the ReUse People of America. I finished the interior wall with pegboard from the Habitat for Humanity ReStore. Two doors found on the street got incorporated into the project. I even managed to turn a fencing grip into a door handle. The only things I needed to purchase at the big orange store were a few 2x6s, some plywood, metal roofing material and siding. If I had been a little more patient I could have sourced the Hardie board siding when it showed up at the ReStore a week later.

How I got the columns is a funny story. We live on a hill and I enjoy watching house remodeling projects going on in the neighborhood through a pair of binoculars that I keep next to the door. One day I was watching the transformation of a run-down bungalow into a posh pad for Emmanuel ‘Chivo’ Lubezki, the cinematographer of The Revenant, Y Tu Mamá También and Children of Men among other superb films. I just happened to witness the workers ripping the old columns off the porch. I immediately jumped in the car and drove over. The workers were more than happy to give me the columns as it saved them space in their dumpster. If I were one of those east coast reporters who drop into LA to write up a stereotype-heavy article I’d have to note my shed’s “celebrity columns.”

Or maybe I should call the shed “Chivocropolis.” But then we’d have to get goats.