Normally I’d have to come up with my own April Fool’s post for you. Increasingly, however, I can’t do any better than the actual unedited pitches we receive in the Root Simple in-box, such as this “killer opportunity”:
Dear Colon Hydro-therapist Friends
I wanted to share an opportunity! with you. I’m going on tour and
I will be speaking about Raw Foods, cleansing and Super Foods. I
always talk about the tremendous benefits of getting professional
colonics. After every single event, numerous amounts of people are
asking how they can find a colon therapist.
There will be anywhere from 300 – 1200 people at each event. We
are offering booths to Colon Therapists for $500 for the event.
It’s a killer opportunity to get life-long clients in an instant.
Wow, now that’s targeted marketing. How did they know that Kelly and I are ALL ABOUT colonics. Not only are we Colon Therapist Friends looking for clients, we also have the cleanest colons in the West, thanks to our homemade colonic machine. It’s essentially a mash up of a five gallon bucket, a bunch of homebrew tubing, and an old 7-setting garden hose sprayer. Video coming soon!
Maybe we can power our Prius with the waste products . . .