Root Simple’s Killer Colon Hydro-therapy Booth Coming Soon . . .

1334155845_Colon Hydrotherapy Deals

Normally I’d have to come up with my own April Fool’s post for you.  Increasingly, however, I can’t do any better than the actual unedited pitches we receive in the Root Simple in-box, such as this “killer opportunity”:

Dear Colon Hydro-therapist Friends 🙂

I wanted to share an opportunity! with you.  I’m going on tour and
I will be speaking about Raw Foods, cleansing and Super Foods.  I
always talk about the tremendous benefits of getting professional
colonics.  After every single event, numerous amounts of people are
asking how they can find a colon therapist.

There will be anywhere from 300 – 1200 people at each event.  We
are offering booths to Colon Therapists for $500 for the event.
It’s a killer opportunity to get life-long clients in an instant.

Wow, now that’s targeted marketing. How did they know that Kelly and I are ALL ABOUT colonics.  Not only are we Colon Therapist Friends looking for clients, we also have the cleanest colons in the West, thanks to our homemade colonic machine. It’s essentially a mash up of a five gallon bucket, a bunch of  homebrew tubing, and an old 7-setting garden hose sprayer. Video coming soon!

Maybe we can power our Prius with the waste products . . . 

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  1. When I got to five-gallon bucket, I started feeling a little woozy. I was/am still a little muddle-headed, my normal condition for a while after waking. But, you got me.

  2. You know, if you’d just go back on the grape nuts breakfast plan and up the quantity…

    …plus about a litre of coffee a day, and there’s no need for the extra equipment.

    A bit rough on the digestive tract, mind you.

    zeke (once a true believer)

  3. Add some prune juice and agave nectar(TM) and you have a new vegan energy drink.

    Cereal Killa

    Leave the bodies. Keep the joy.

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