Dog Cheese

As Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin put it, “A meal without cheese is like a beautiful woman who lacks an eye” and we’d add that a cheese without life, without flavor, without character like so much of the tasteless plastic wrapped crap to be found in our nation’s supermarkets simply isn’t worthy of the table.

As urban homesteaders we’re particularly interested in finding sources of food in our dense concrete jungles, and we are not alone. The movement is full of solutions to small scale animal husbandry: from pigmy goats, to pot-bellied pigs, city dwellers are trying to do that farm thing in the city–but sometimes with limited success.

So we were thrilled to find out that one of the best solutions for the urban livestock problem might be just underfoot. Two weeks ago we hooked up with some true revolutionaries out in the San Porn-ando Valley who are breeding dogs specifically for their lactation abilities. For obvious reasons they wish to remain anonymous just now. They have three bitches currently lactating.

We went to pay them a visit, and after a few beers we gathered up the courage to milk the bitches. This ain’t Bessy the Moo Cow we’re talking about here–but no one ever said living in the city was easy. We came home with a bucket full of dog milk.

We’ve already proved that a decent Neufchâtel can be produced in a home kitchen with store bought cow’s milk and bottle of rennet (which curdles the milk). Improvising on the same recipe we managed to turn that gallon or so of dog milk into a soft farmhouse-type round of what we believe to be a first . . . dog cheese.

The taste? It is full bodied, and a little musky at first whiff, but salting the cheese really brings out a nice, distinct Frito odor which makes it a natural pairing with beer and three bean dip. Kids like it too.

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21 Comments

  1. Never heard of dog cheese, but I know of lactating moms who’ve tried to make lady cheese and been unsuccessful. Something to do with human milk curds being too small. Maybe dog milk curds are bigger, which is why it was possible? I do know you can make lady butter, though. ‘Sposed to be good on apples and graham crackers. Also, ew.

  2. Nice work! Since you tried it first, you get to name it. Great Danish Cheese? Heeler Blue? Setter Cheddar? Monterey Jack Russel?

    Maybe I’ll have a “Lab & Cab” party one of these days…

  3. I love how our natural reaction to this is “ewwwww!” As in “Ew, eating a liquid product produced by a mammal? That came out of one of its orifices?”

    (As opposed to cow or goat udders, which are totally different)

  4. wow! i’m going to be trying this shortly. the idea came because i have a kitten who began feeding on my ‘empty’ dog (last feed was 8 months ago). the dog became emotional and started lactating (that’s so sweet!).

    don’t have any rennet, but will try to curdle it to make cottage cheese to begin with.

  5. never tried makin’ cheese with it, I drink it, an’ use it in cereal though. a beagle/pitbull mix produces a TON of milk a day (almost a half gallon), which is more than enough for my needs. needless to say, I don’t buy cows milk anymore.

  6. this’s a great idea. I drink beagle milk all the time, and now AI will try making cheese. So far I’ve managed to make ice cream and butter.

    and to anyone that thinks it’s sick, consider this.
    dogs are naturally “cleaner” than cows.
    dog milk tastes better.
    dog milk is better for you nutritionally.

  7. Wow, should have thought of this first, sucking straight from the teat usually leaves my mouth full of fur.
    Why I didn’t think to make cheese or ice cream or butter leaves me wondering about other decisions I’ve made…
    Hamster pee candles. Try it.

  8. I was at loss for words. Then, I realized what day it is. How long have you been planning this joke? It’s got to be the best ever.

    One day, I wandered around in the pet food section and saw “cat milk.” For a fleeting second or three, I wondered,”How on earth can anyone get a cat to sit still to be milked?”

    So, now I am trying to get the tears of laughter from my eyes and glasses to type.

  9. no this ain’t no april fools bullshit. dog milk is delicious. dog milk can be used to replace cow milk and can be turned into ANY dairy product.
    because dog milk is more nutricious, better tasting, and easier to digest, we should all be drinking it.

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